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Rules of Civility



2/19/23

A Salute to George Washington on President’s Day!


In Amor Towles’ first novel, Rules of Civility, the author references a document rewritten by George Washington entitled, “Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation. Towles

sets the action of his novel in Manhattan in 1938 where a handful of sharply etched characters attempt to make their way through the privileged world of New York’s “High Society”. Are their lives guided by Fate, or are they victims of their own actions? Towles weaves his plot around what his characters see, hear, say, and do. They are like the three wise/foolish monkeys that have survived through folk culture since the Middle Ages (I add one more monkey in order to address man’s issues with libido).


Small statuettes of three monkeys, one covering his eyes, another his ears, and another his mouth, have been popular in Britain since (probably) the 1900s; they are known to have been carried as lucky charms by soldiers in the First World War. They are identified with a proverbial saying, ‘See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’, first recorded in 1926 and now generally used sarcastically against those who, through selfishness or cowardice, choose to ignore some wrongdoing. A few figurines show the first two monkeys peeping and listening, while the third has a finger on his lips; these may reflect the proverb ‘Hear all, see all, say nowt’, known since the late Middle Ages.


The Wise Monkeys originated in Japan, where they have been known since the 16th century; statues of them are set at crossroads in honour of Koshin, the God of Roads, whose attendants they are. There, their slogan is Mi-zaru, kika-zaru, iwa-zaru, ‘No seeing, no hearing, no speaking’, with a pun on saru, Japanese for ‘Monkey’, and it is used seriously to teach prudence and purity.



George Washington’s document contains 110 maxims that states how one should conduct oneself in order to be a civil person. Many of the maxims are obsolete, but a few are relevant today. I have chosen 5 from the list to share with you:


Every Action done in Company ought to be with Some Sign of Respect to those that are Present.


Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.


Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach those that speak in private.


Let your recreations be manful not sinful.


Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.


During my research for this blog post, I discovered a book by Shelby Scarbrough entitled, “Civility Rules”. Drawing on personal experience [in the Reagan administration], real-life examples, and a foundational belief that civility is integral to a democratic society, Scarbrough shares how we might work toward a more perfect union by building a personal practice of civility.


While our civilization continues to advance, our capacity to live civilly―to appreciate our common humanity with empathy and humility―ironically dwindles daily.




But let’s circle back to Towles’ novel. I have selected four passages that perhaps correspond to each of the four monkeys.

Be careful what you See:


A late arrival from Jersey who came in behind me stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the living room wall. Hung on it from floor to ceiling was a series of Hopperesque portraits of bare-chested coat-check girls. The girls were sitting behind their counters looking aimless and bored but somehow confrontational-as if daring us to be just as aimless and bored as they. Some had their hair pulled back and others had it tucked under a cap, but all were versions of Peaches-right down to her eggplant-colored silver dollar areolae. I think the latecomer actually gasped.


Be careful what you Hear:


--Mr. Tate.

--Yes? (annoyed)

--You know the piece that you’ve been trying to find for the premiere issue [of Gotham Magazine]?

--Yes, yes?

--What if instead of the doyennes, you were to interview the doormen?

--What’s that?

--None of them have the upbringing, as it were, most have the intelligence, and they see [and hear] everything.

Mason Tate stared straight ahead for a moment…

--Why would they talk to us? If we printed something they told us, it would come back to bite them in a day.

--What if we talked to ex-employees-the ones who have quit or been fired?

-- How would we find them?

--We could run an ad in the papers offering high pay for doormen and elevator boys with at least one year’s experience at five of the most exclusive apartment buildings in the city.

Mason Tate looked out the window…

--If I let you place this ad, you really think you would find something of interest?

--I’d stake a month’s pay on it, I said coolly.

He nodded his head.

--Make it your career and you’ve got a deal.


Be careful what you Say:


A car pulled up in front of the stoop. It was a police car. Before turning fully around, he put the envelope back in his pocket.

The officer in the passenger seat rolled down his window. He had dark eyebrows and olive skin.

--Everything all right? The patrolman asked helpfully.

--Yes, officer. Thanks for stopping.

--Okay, he said. But watch out for yourselves. This is a nigger block.

--Sure thing, officer. Hank called over his shoulder. And you watch out on Mott Street. That’s a wop block.

Both officers got out of the car. The driver already had his baton in his hand. Hank stood up, ready to meet them at the curb.

He had to step in between his brother and the officers. He put both hands up in front of his chest and spoke in a soft, apologetic voice.

--He didn’t mean it officers. He’s been drinking. He’s my brother. I’m taking him home right now.

The officers studied him. They studied his suit and his haircut.

--All right, the passenger-seat cop said. But don’t let us find him here later.

--Or ever, the driver-seat cop said.

They got back in the car and drove away.


Be careful what you Do:

A few tables away, two good-looking boors were getting loud. They were reminiscing about their misdeeds in the Ivy League and one of them unmistakably made use of the word “whore”…The two drunkards suddenly stood. They reeled past us with bursts of laughter.

--Well, well, Eve said dryly. Terry Trumbull. Was that you making all that racket?

--Eve. What a great surprise….

He gave Eve an awkward kiss and then…he retreated, Eve watched him go.

--What’s his story, I asked.

--He’s a friend of Tinker’s from the Union Club. A few weekends ago, we all went to a party at their house in Westport. After dinner, while his wife was playing Mozart on the piano, Terry told one of the serving girls he needed to show her something in the pantry. By the time I showed up, he had her cornered by the bread box and was trying to take a bite out of her neck. I had to fend him off with a potato masher.

--He’s lucky it wasn’t a knife.

--A stabbing would have done him good.



In conclusion, it is prudent to know when to follow the rules of civility and when to break or bend them in order to live a full and fruitful life. I agree with David Brooks: [One must have a situational awareness] an intuitive awareness of when to follow the rules and when to break the rules, a feel for the flow of events, a special sensitivity, not necessarily conscious, for how fast to move and what decisions to take that will prevent [one] from crashing on the rocks. This sensitivity flows from experience, historical knowledge, humility in the face of uncertainty, and having led a reflective and interesting life. It is a kind of knowledge held in the body as well as the brain.


People with contrarian mentalities and idiosyncratic worldviews will be valuable in an age when conventional thinking is turbo powered.


-David Brooks


Remaining aware, and sometimes contrary.

CPW

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